January Goals - A Retrospective

So how’d I do?

Well, first and foremost, I completely failed on my goal to play the piano every day. The loss of my godmother early in the month was a deep blow and I’d be lying if I didn’t confess to a major depressive episode that has lasted to today. There were a few days where I went from work to straight to bed, completely overwhelmed with my own feelings and waves of emotion that swelled at the most inopportune moments. Something I wish more people who are fortunate to be unfamiliar with depression understood is that for many people, the main sensation people who manage it isn’t sadness, it’s exhaustion. The mental, psychological, and even physical load feels twice as heavy in a “dip” than it does when I’m more steady. Getting out of bed, washing my hair, my ability to focus on tasks, my patience, small talk at work…it all takes at least twice as much energy than it does when I’m in a stable state. I wrote an entire stream of consciousness piece about the loss of this extraordinary woman and I could not even scratch the surface of what she means to me. Perhaps I will be able to be more articulate in future posts. I’m glad she is at peace, but I’m so, so devastated to lose her.

I did do drinks out once in the month, and I do NOT regret that particular G&T. . I was catching up with a dear friend I hadn’t seen in over a year and we didn’t have enough time between our work commitments for a full meal. I paid because, as far as I’m concerned she was my date and I am nothing if not a gentlewoman!

Likewise, I do have to confess both one lapse in ordering takeaway and one grocery purchase vid delivery in the month. The first was due to both my husband and I working late during the week of my period, and the second when I was stuck at home all day to accommodate a pick up of a spare fridge for a local charity and being unable to leave the house. I also have to confess to one personal purchase in buying a tube of concealer…because my previous tube had gone rancid. Very noticeably.

So while not a perfect 100%, I’m also pretty pleased because I tend to have an “all or nothing” approach to goals and was very tempted to use a single failure as a reason to throw in the towel, but I resisted. As a result I was able to put a full extra £1,000 into the account I’m using to save for our trip to Japan and future house down payment, which feels fantastic.